A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

? Holly Drake

This December 1984 article makes an amusing follow-up to Ned Boyajian's, more informative account of CBCs!

"If a name makes the bird-watcher, then these are certainly the prime, A-one article"

'Twas the day before Christmas. A mountain of Great Black bottomed cookies and a fruitcake with a sinkhole dead center proclaimed that one does not necessarily find peace on earth in the kitchen.

In the spirit of the season, I tossed my fruitcake folly out under the bird feeder where Blue Jays, immediately raping and plundering it, proved once again the belief that the little ruffians have absolutely no taste.

It was my moment of truth. I would waive kitchen tradition and depend upon the kindness of friends for Christmas goodies.

Meanwhile, I had a column to write. I wanted to produce something light and airy: obviously that would not take place in the kitchen.

I sought inspiration in American Birds, the voluminous Christmas Bird Count issue which contains the names of the more than 36,000 bird watchers who participated in the great games. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a marvelous name. Isaac Stout-Robin. A name to conjure with if ever there was one, more so because Isaac Stout-Robin is not a bird, but a bird-watcher!

I would tap this wellspring for all it was worth. Here is what I found by dint of day-long sleuthing with a magnifying glass.

There was Sherry Bird, and Jerry Bird and Elsie Burd and Marion Boyd. What a feast! Cheers for Paul Eagles, Vonnie Heron, Joe Woodcock and Henry Swift. Hurrah for Davis Finch, Bob Swan, Julia Larke,  Margaret Wren, Delano Crowe, Dave Brant (and even Virginia Thrasher). Oh, why can't I be a Paula Thrush or a Sandy Sparrow, a Margaret Hawk or an Aline Dove?

Not to be outdone by those with bonafide bird names, there were those whose names instill confidence in their birding skills - Wade Wander, Joan Twisdom, Norman Hopgood. Jack Peachy, Clare Victorious, Faith Avis and, I kid you not, Jessie Soars!

I found four Ruffs and a dozen or more Reeves (the distaff of Ruff). There were oodles of Robins, flocks of Jays, a smattering of Cranes and a cluster of Knotts. Then there were Harold Winger, a number of Fowlers, an Earl Covert and a well-documented Quackenbush!

Some birders I would want with me on a Christmas Bird Count, but others I'd shun - Able, Smart, Noble, Devine, Hardy, Wise, Sweet, Best, Werst, Famous, Talent, Strong, Clinch, Sharp, Wham, Early, Earnest, Luckey, Doubt, Gross, Shove, Bull, Stillman, Bragg, Huff, Rusty, Slack, Coward, Guess, Loser, Sleeper and the ever-affable Umble.

They evidenced their own special styles, the Swishers, Wisslers, Singers, McPeeks, Spiers, Schmokers, Benders, Trotters, Pacers, Backriders, Walkers and Wileys.

And they came equipped with a variety of birdable habitats - Tors, Deltas, Knolls, Prairies, Brooks, Dikes and Updikes, Weirs, Hedges, Pooles, Piers, Rivers, Sands, Reeds, Stumpfs, Goodpastures, Mountains, Landings, Weeds, Hay, Hills, Twiggs, Valleys, Mudd, Saltmarsh, Parks, Quays, Branches, Pitts, Orchards, Cliffs, Bridges, Vales, Heaths, Cooling Pons, and fields of Wings, Mans, Scops, Mays, Browns, Littles, and Blooms. And, not to be outdone, there were Richard Ditch, Frances Hindmarsh, Paris Trails, and a pair named Updegrove and DeForest!

Weather is important to all birders and I found an interesting variety of it! Fairweather and Starkweather, Rainey, Threatful, Freeze, Hazard, Snow, Frost, Storm, Shine, McCloud, Hale, Fairman, Savage, Torinado, Slusher, Soggi (which I have been too often) and a refreshing Dawn Breeze.

There were Coveys and Webbs, Hatches and Drakes, Teels and Springers, A Peigen and one Sundove.

By no stretch of the imagination could I relate to birds the following names but they are just too wonderful to leave out. Consider, if you will, the extreme unlikelihood of encountering Eleanor Roosevelt behind a bush, Honey Bunny in birdwatcher's drab, or Marsha Mello roasting in the noonday sun.

But they are all there, in the prodigious summations of the Christmas Bird Counts, along with a birder named Toups, whose name - according to one source - means "one who raises and sells pigeons".

A merry Christmas to all!